By Winnie Lee Star, Reporter

In an unprecedented turn of events the FLATUS-X company, maker of the chewable anti-gas medication of the same name, reports corporate earnings through the roof this week. It was discerned that a large purchase in the Rockridge area of Oakland sent profits soaring after a local women ingested a homemade soup of leeks, garlic, beans, and broccoli. Apparently, the combination affected the gentle intestinal system of the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), and the resultant flatus prompted her purchase of mass quantities of the FLATUS-X tablets.

We await further reports as the week drifts on. Neighbors say the woman is still consuming the soup leftovers and they have closed their windows at this time.

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Retail Therapy Invades Gassy Local Woman
OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA, MAY 17, 2003

Economy in Oakland seems optimistic. In an earlier story this week, we reported on an anonymous Rockridge woman who had been purchasing large quantities of FLATUS-X to control excessive gas secondary to a homemade soup. This week, as her story unfolds, the woman (who wishes to maintain her anonymity) has been spotted at a local store in the throes of a buying frenzy. A salesman reports that the woman has made numerous trips to the store to find, as he put it, the “perfect TV/DVD/VCR combination.” The store’s corporate managers will not disclose the amounts spent, but it is projected that stocks of this company will soon be souring similar to the FLATUS-X company's good fortune earlier in the week.

We will keep on top of this story as the days unfold.

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