the tiniest old woman
in the ‘evergreen place’ apartment
building
spit on me today
she said it was a two-for-one special
and I was the intended target
now I have been a one-for-one target in the past
at the ‘spruce street retirement community’
but evergreen’s spew seemed more uncommonly unruly
little ladies slip out of control in these assisted living corridors
they inhale, bring the spittle up, clear their lungs,
and out it comes
they never spit on men
we women attendants have no redress
can’t kick ‘em out, can’t spit back,
can’t complain to the manager because
he’s one of their grandsons
the new guy in charge
and supplier of the large fish tank in the evergreen’s center hall
my way of getting back at mrs. spew (and I did this so discreetly),
was to serve up my own mix:
tuna lunch loaf
with mayonnaise-spittle spread
on sourdough bread
her unsuspecting highness ate it, burped,
stated that it was the best sandwich she’d had in weeks
and farted her way out of the lunchroom
I’ll be glad
to prepare this for her again at my next opportunity
(just don’t tell)
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